she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
