well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
