Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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