the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
