apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
