he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worst night to have a conscience
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
