Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
