She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
