Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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