I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
