Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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