I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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