chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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