Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
