Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
