I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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