dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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