SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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