I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
