the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
