She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
