dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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