I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
