I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
should my penis look like a turkey
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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