I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
