We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
