i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Four minutes until I can fart!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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