Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
