walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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