My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
