Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
