I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
