dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
