There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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