He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You took a bar mat shot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
