pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
