And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
