yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
