At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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