HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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