i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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