The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize