I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is the high leading the old right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
