I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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