I am full of burrito and curiosity
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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