i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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