No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
