Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize