Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
