The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
