Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
