well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
