I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
