She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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