You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
