she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
