I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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