smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
