my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize