this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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