if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
