Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
