Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize