susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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